Fights Over Spaghetti and the Last Clearance T-Shirt....Is This Who We Are?

This week two disturbing videos surfaced in my news feed. My heart was heavy after viewing the way young black women were portrayed and ultimately, the way they conducted themselves.

Here are the videos before I say my peace.

I don't even know how to describe my frustration. Wait....yes I do.

First let me say that I was not present at either altercation, and do not know any information other than what was displayed in the videos. Much of the commentary associated with the first video seemed to be in defense of the two young girls who were said to have been "provoked." I can see that. There was no visibly just cause for calling them animals for eating on a subway. Simply minding your own business would have prevented this situation. As someone who was verbally harassed and demeaned on a NYC subway, I understand the struggle to keep composure when pushed to the edge. I only really began to take issue with this video after I saw the second clip. There seemed to be an interesting theme, "black girls fighting=entertainment."

The girls on the subway were being harassed, yes. Any reasonable person would have been defensive, true. But what played out here, goes far beyond a mere subway scuffle, which is what made this video worthy of being but on YouTube, with over 100,000 views. It's the dynamic. Angry black women vs......whomever really. We can never get enough of that right? No one stepped in (until all hell broke loose) to mitigate the situation. Again, I say this as someone harassed on a train when again NO ONE offered so much as squeal of support. But sadly, it seems that's just the world we live in now. If it doesn't concern me, I'm keeping my mouth closed. Oh, but I will pull out this camera and have you caught out there on YouTube looking senseless. I will lend you a hand with that.

And this second video. Acting a H.A.M in a business establishment as though it were a scene from Fight Club. Punches thrown, merchandise vandalized, weaves flying every which-way. Is this who we are? I'll answer that... no! But this is how the world continues to see ALL OF US, as a result of the select few and that truly irks me. I don't say this looking down on these individuals because, again I was not there to witness the events that transpired leading up to the physical altercations, but I'm willing to bet it just wasn't that serious. And how can I blame these girls anyway. Is this not the same behavior we see aired weekly on Bad Girls Club? Basketball Wives? Jersey Shore....need I go on?

It seems that winning the title of "the baddest" reigns supreme over "the brightest," which is just stupid. I'm not sitting here waving my little judgmental finger over everyone. I had a hand in this as well. I watch these shows...well not Jersey Shore, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, while I thought I was just being entertained, it seems we are being conditioned to believe this is the way women settle disputes. We name call, we demoralize, we humiliate, we fight. We just can't help but tear each other down and take pleasure in the presumed victory. I can just hear these girls now "yea, I beat that (insert words here), and its on YouTube!" No...please take a seat in the nearest super-glued chair. To use my very best English, this ain't winning.

But the reason these videos scored so many hits on YouTube is the same reason these deplorable television shows get the highest ratings...even over scripted programming. Why do we enjoy seeing women tear each other down?

There wouldn't be as much issue with these shows if they were the exception and not the rule. But there are far fewer positive portrayals of women on television, particularly women of color to combat these negative images. As a result, life imitates, well if I can even call it art.

And with bystanders so willing to pull out a camera phone to make some quick cash from worldstarhiphop, it won't be long before the next aspiring Bad Girls Club castmember auditions via a YouTube street brawl.

I don't have a thought provoking question as I usually do to close this post.

It's actually more of a rant. But I like to hear your rantings as well, so please leave a comment.

Let's love each other ok? :-)

And I feel the need to make this disclaimer:

My feelings on these videos are far more complex and more in depth than what this blog post can explain. I've been a black woman for a long time so I can't possibly sum up the whole of my feelings in a few minutes. But it's enough to get a conversation going...so talk to me!

Art Paisley

Just got this cute mint color from Ulta last week. Had to test it out. What do you think? Hot or not?

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Funky Fresh

It's been a little minute since I've posted some nail designs. How cute are these?!

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New Music: Sha Stimuli Wake Up & Go

(Via Clutch Magazine)

This was a cute concept. Unfortunately this message isn't loud of enough to drown out the sound of the self-hate promoting records put out everyday. Sighs...

Enjoy it while you can. :-)

Kobe Bryant: "I Want What All Men Want, I Just Want it More"

Last week after a disappointing loss to the Miami Heat (94-88) Kobe Bryant did something that reminded us all why he's a candidate to be the greatest NBA player of all time.

Oh, yall didn't think I knew about sports huh? LOL, not much...so don't get excited. But I do follow my hometeam. #Lakers! Woot woot!

Anyway, via NecoleBitchie.com, while Kobe's teammates hit the showers and headed home or to their post game festivities, Kobe spent an additional TWO HOURS practicing his game.

Several reporters and NBA players tweeted in awe of Bryant's dedication:

@WojYahooNBA: Kobe’s been going for over an hour now on AA Arena floor, covering every spot on the floor with jumpers. He’s out beyond 3-point line now.
@desmond_howard: Kobe put himself through a 1.5hr workout after every1 left the arena. http://twitpic.com/48cen3. He’s not THAT GUY by accident. #DEDICATION
desmond_howard: This is Y I have so much admiration for Kobe as a professional athlete. http://yfrog.com/h3hdvyjj. His professional focus is unmatched
dannyhoyt: Love that Kobe stayed and shot for an hour after losing. AN HOUR. When the Heat lose, they cry. When Kobe loses, he gets better. #Lakers
IraHeatBeat: Yes, Kobe Bryant, right now, more than 2 1/2 hours after the game, is shooting jumpers on the court, with media told building is closing.
IraHeatBeat: Kobe Bryant still out on the court, shooting, more than a hour after the game. Even Erik Spoelstra came out to take a look. i have a whole new respect for him right about now
When asked why he stayed behind, Kobe nonchalantly stated:

"I had some things to work on."

He told another reporter by text message:

“I want what all men want. I just want it more.”

This my friends is what greatness looks like. Kobe is great because he practices greatness and wants it more than ANYONE. The Heat can recruit Lebron. Shoot they can phone the Harlem Globetrotters for all I care, but no one, NO ONE will match Kobe's dedication to the game.

Whether you're a fan or not, you have to respect that.

This inspiration is applicable to anyone. Take heed.

Watch video of Kobe's extended practice here:

Are We Being Too Rough on "The Game"

Not everyone was pleased when the hit sitcom "The Game" returned to cable television with record-setting ratings. Sure, I expected that. There's always a critic. But, its been 8 weeks since the show's return and feedback has been steadily less than flattering.

I initially voiced by concerns with the new, more dramatic format of the show in a past post, but eventually came to terms with new changes. However, negative whispers about Kelly's new attitude, a soap-operaesque plot, and the Brit-brat swap have been festering consistently since season 4's debut and its truly beginning to worry me. This coupled with so-so ratings and the fact that the show has not yet been confirmed for a 5th season has me wondering are we in danger of losing the show again?

I've thought seriously about some of the complaints that I've heard, and it all seems quite trivial in the larger scheme of things. We are in a television era where Jersey Shore ranks as the highest weekly rated show for cable TV and yet, we take issue with The Game? Someone help me see the light, please! This baffles me.

I wouldn't be surprised if the shade thrown at The Game's new season is provided by those who hopped on the bandwagon. At any rate, the actors on the show are aware of the mixed feelings of "fans" who have reached out via Twitter, and the cast has urged them to direct their comments toward the powers that be at BET.

I partly feel as though social media's involvement in the show's return is beginning to backfire. Roughly two years ago, Game fans on Facebook and Twitter united to lead an ambitious campaign for The Game's return. And obviously it worked. However, I think there was a price to pay. It seems as though viewers have become to invested in their presumed "power." Because they were responsible for the comeback, they feel a sense of entitlement to the shows content. Sure every fan has right to their opinion, but we can't expect for it to be adopted as law.

Furthermore, people have to get used to change. Hello! Things change. They just do. In this case the show can't win for losing. If they hadn't changed a thing, I'm sure some would have said the new season ran dry. Now that they've stirred the pot, people don't like the recipe. Sigh...

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with voicing opinions. In fact, most shows encourage social media heads to "watch and discuss." The key thing here being to watch.

Anyway, I say all this to say. Discontentment cannot cause us to disengage. What a shame that would be after all of this right? Bottom line is there are about two handfuls of reality Tv shows we should probably be petitioning against right now....and we're not. Why?

Why are we being so rough on The Game?

Now What Now?: Tyrese On Love and Marriage

I was enjoying an afternoon snack browsing my Twitter timeline when some foolishness popped up in a retweet. I don't follow Tyrese, though I do have much love for him as a musician. However, as a relationship counselor, I sometimes wish he would sit all the way down.

Before I weigh in, you know I like you all to read for yourself. Start from the bottom up.





Sighs...

Ok, I can't tell you how many times I've heard these same sentiments uttered from a modern-day male on the dating scene. I've even gotten hit with the "I can't date you, you're wifey material" line a couple times myself. What frustrates me about this mindset is that it eliminates the element of responsibility on the part of the gentleman. It's one thing to work together to build a relationship, but to suggest that women patiently wait for a man to "get it together" while he lives it up and does his dirt, just so at the end of the day she can win the ultimate title of wifey with a couple kids to boot is just pure stupidity. Yea I said it!

I disagree with Tyrese's challenge to women to "make us a better man." I'm sorry, I don't have super powers. If you lack the self-control and will to better yourself, than I lack the endurance to stand by and watch you flounder. I must move on to the next. I realize my tone may seem a bit callous and frank, and well... I'm not arguing with you there. But I will say, that I'm not heartless. I fully believe in looking at the present as well as the potential, but potential requires effort to become promising. And this "i'm a playa, but when I do get ready to settle down, the first one i'm calling is you" attitude is making promises with no effort.

Tyrese's friend was with his girl since they were 16, and although she "shared" him, when he was ready to grow up he married her and they have two children. And this is all because she waited. The problem is that you could be waiting for a day that will never come because in waiting, haven't you already proven that you tolerate this behavior? And wouldn't that increase the wait because why change? You're still around right?

I know plenty of stories where both parties in the relationship were young and just a mess and when they were older they put away childish things. It happens. But, the thought of being jerked along for the roller coaster ride when you can be elsewhere doing you is just irksome.

You shouldn't put the diamond on lay away if you know you can't afford to pay. Leave the treasure for someone worthy and willing to pay full price. Just sayin.

I could very well be wrong, doubt it though. Anyways, as always, these are just my thoughts.

But I'd like to hear yours.

Women I Admire: An Evening With Ms. Butterfield

It has been far too long since my last post. School, work, and the day-to-day have caused me to hit the blog pause button. But only the awe-inspiring Ms. Valeisha Butterfield could inspire me to hit play again.

Syracuse University's Black Communications Society (BCS) sponsored an event aptly titled, "An Evening with Ms. Butterfield." Though it was roaring wind and pouring rain, Ms. Butterfield managed to weather the storm, looking fabulous in an all black ensemble offset with a pointy-statement necklace and the latest trademark trend, a pair of Christian Louboutin booties, street name "red bottoms." Not to mention, the hair was whipped!

But, we obviously weren't there to talk fashion. We were there to talk business! And the staunch business woman was the perfect conversationalist.

As the appointed Deputy Director of Public Affairs for the International Trade Administration (ITA) in the United States Department of Commerce for the Obama Administration, Butterfield has a key role in supporting President Obama's national economic agenda to revive the global economy, create jobs and renew growth that benefits all people. (via weenonline.org)

She is also the Co-founder and Chair of the Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network (WEEN). According to their webpage, WEEN is a worldwide coalition of women, all ages and races, committed to supporting, promoting and defending the balanced, positive portrayal of women in entertainment and society. And let's face it, there has never been a more necessary time for such an organization to exist.

The image of women in the media is at an all time low and WEEN is one of the key players leading the crusade for change.

Part of WEEN's mission is to provide "personal advancement for young women nationwide." Butterfield held true to this mission, by setting time out to speak to a group of young and old hopefuls in entertainment.

The conversation was comfortable, candid, and constructive as Ms. Butterfield shared her wealth of knowledge and experience working in both the corporate and entertainment industries.

Valeisha Butterfield and I at BCS event

In paraphrases, Here's what I learned from Valeisha Butterfield.

On Interning...
Make sure you're filling a void. If you've completed and internship and they aren't missing you, you haven't done your job. Your presence should fill a void and make a strong impact.

On Working...
For companies, its about what you can produce. How much money can you produce for the company? Are you bringing in sponsorship money? Companies are looking for someone who can be an asset and bring in the dough. Makes sense right?

On Mentorship...
Don't just call when you need something. Keep in touch regularly to build mentorship and make sure its not a take-take relationship. Actually show that you care by sending cards on their birthday, etc. This doesn't mean be fake, but it does mean be thoughtful and smart.

On Climbing the Ladder...
Surround yourself with people you want to be your peers one day. Ms. Butterfield shared stories of waiting outside an execs office at a time when they might be showing up to work. Wow, that's dedication. Of course, you'll want to avoid being carried out sideways by security, so be forward...not awkward. The point is to place yourself in an environment convenient for potential opportunities to arise and to just familiarize yourself with what you one day hope to be doing.

On marketing...
Look at yourself as a brand in whatever field. Look at yourself now as the brand you want to become.

Sound advice from someone who knows. What more could you ask for?

If you want to learn more about Valeisha Butterfield and/or her work visit weenonline.org.